“Is this pizza vegan and gluten-free?”
If it’s 60 degrees, it’s sweater weather. Below 60, and you better put on that parka.
There’s the OJ that the rest of the world drinks, and then there is the $6-a-bottle green sludge that Angelenos worship.
3. “Street Parking”
In the real world, street parking is just that — parking in the streets. In Los Angeles, it is the city’s equivalent of The Hunger Games. May the odds be ever in your favor.
4. “Secret Menu”
Secrets, secrets are no fun if you do not tell everyone. The burger mecca that is In-N-Out has a not-so-secret menu on its website.
In the real world, hiking is a strenuous physical activity. In L.A., you put on makeup and your best workout clothes before heading out to Runyon Canyon.
In the real world, pizza is covered in gooey, greasy cheese. In Los Angeles, it’s vegan, gluten-free, and fun-free.
For normal people, it’s how you cross the street even if it’s (technically) against the law. In Los Angeles, it’s a surefire way to get a ticket that will drain your bank account.
For most people, rain means you grab an umbrella and carry on with your daily life. In Los Angeles, people lose their shit even when it sprinkles because it is a surefire sign the apocalypse is nigh.
MTV / Via ohh-laurenconrad.tumblr.com
In L.A., your neighborhood isn’t just where you live: It’s sort of like the real-life equivalent of choosing which table you sit at in your high school cafeteria. THAT SHIT MATTERS.
NBC Universal / Via quickmeme.com
L.A. traffic is where boys become men, girls become women, and the weak are completely and utterly destroyed.
For most, kale is a leafy green vegetable rich in vitamins and calcium. In Los Angeles, kale is a gastronomical cult with health-crazed members who have been tricked into sacrificing taste for “health.”
12. “The Industry”
ABC / Via mirror.co.uk
No, not a factory building cars and machinery and stuff. Angelenos are talking about the entertainment industry, aka the crazy shitstorm that calls the city home.
FilmDistrict / Via jdbrecords.blogspot.com
For most Americans, “commute” refers to the physical act of traveling to and from work. In L.A., it refers to the soul-sucking, morale-crushing physical act of traveling to and from work.
14. “Pet Stores”
To most, a place where you buy food for your animal friend. In L.A., pet stores are nicer than the stores where you shop for yourself.
The physical act of movement using one’s legs to propel the rest of the body forward. In Los Angeles, walking is the same but it’s something you usually do to get from your apartment door to your car, so you can drive down the street.
Pringles / Via youtube.com
To the rest of America, the word “actor” conjures images of Hollywood royalty from Brad and Angelina to J.Law and Meryl. But in L.A., “actor” refers to your waitress or waiter’s dream job.
The real world has spring, summer, fall, and winter. In Los Angeles, they all seem to blur together.
Whereas people in the real world go to “the gym” when they want to work out, Angelenos love stretching, pushing, and contorting their bodies in a cacophony of ways, all for the sake of physical well-being.
19. “The Beach”
For most common folk, it’s a dream vacation destination. In L.A., it’s right next door, but you never go as often as you should.
20. “Food shopping”
Los Angeles code for “I’m going to the farmers’ market.” If it’s cold outside, it could mean heading to Trader Joe’s instead.
For the rest of the world, it’s a far-off concept of a perfect, blissful destination. In L.A., it’s the here and now.